Thoughts on civil discussions

Like many of you, I was shocked at what occurred on January 8^th in front of a Safeway store in Tucson, AZ, and have listened to various news reports and thought much about it.

In every crisis, there is an opportunity. One opportunity in this crisis is to open up civil discussions. Civil discussions are essential if we are to move toward a sustainable society, and I had always assumed that civil discussions would be part of any solutions that begets solutions. Recently, I have come to realize how much civil discussions appear to be missing from our society today.

First, let me define civil discussion – civil does not mean you give in to the other person. Civil discussions do mean people listen to each other, and are open to the possibility of learning from each other! Below is an example I had a few days ago when I got a ride back from British and American Autocare shuttle in Columbia, Maryland. (My husband dropped off his VW for service (I cannot drive a stick shift) and needed to use my Prius for the day so I drove the Prius to the auto care so he could drive it to work and I caught a ride back on the shuttle provided by the auto care.)

I had a discussion with the shuttle driver about the recent shooting in Tucson, AZ. He disagreed with me that this incident pointed to the need for more gun control. This driver said he has been in areas in the U.S. where there were no deaths by guns while people were able to freely carry guns (e.g. Montana). I told him that is interesting, and I agree that if I grew up in such an area, I would come to the same conclusion based upon experience in that one area. However, I told him about the difference in gun laws and the correlation to the difference in gun violence between Western Europe and the U.S., and encouraged him to investigate global data on gun legislation and gun violence. He nodded thoughtfully.

We discussed the fact that our wish for the U.S. is the same – to have less gun violence, and move toward a more civil society. Looking at Europe could provide some insight. Certainly, we both would like to have people more civil toward each other. When we got to my home, he thanked me for talking to him. This driver said he has difficulty talking to most people, and it was very nice to talk to someone who could disagree with him so civilly. I think we got more than civil disagreement form our conversation. I think we both saw a different perspective about guns, and found a person willing to look further into what we need to do to work toward common goals.

I think this driver was eager to talk more because later that day, he called to tell me he could pick me up to pick up my husband’s car – despite the fact that I never called to ask for a ride. I thanked him for calling, but told him that I cannot drive my husband’s car since I cannot drive a stick shift!